And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
