if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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