My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
