Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
