New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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