so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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