Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
