Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
