we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
