Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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