Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you would pick up someone in the library
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
