If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
