What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
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you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
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I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize