Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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