I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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