if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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