Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
