I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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