so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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