I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
