i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
