She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
