I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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