Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
