My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize