how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
