How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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