so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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