He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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