rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
