i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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