i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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