how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
