there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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