I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
