This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
