so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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