Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
