If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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