Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
