This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She's the barista slut.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I didn't notice because vodka
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Randomize
