I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
