That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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