oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
