Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
