yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
