did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
