this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
