i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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