Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
