So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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