FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
