i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
