He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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