My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
