I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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