i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
