Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
