so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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