My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
