This is not my ceiling
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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