Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority