I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.