Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.