so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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