My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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