What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.