Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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