yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
