covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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