best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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