I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
