ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
