do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
