it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
