coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
