dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
