I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I want her autograph on my taint
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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