I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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