I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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