We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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