she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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