OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
