He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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